Amazing, this parental life

When you become a parent, it becomes this exquiste balance of hope and terror.

You expose yourself to the very ultimate in fear. You open your heart and your mind and your every utter fiber to the very real immediate possibility of devastation. How do I explain, really, this potential agony? Every detail you read in the newspaper becomes your own possibile scenario.

And it resonates.

So deeply.

The little 2-year-old boy still strapped in his car seat when the car he's riding in rockets on rain-wetted leaves irretrievably into the river is a little boy who will visit you in your dreams. To tell you it's OK. And that you need to protect your babies closer.

This true deep love is powerful and terrifying. Have I conveyed that specifically instead of in generalities?

What if I tell you that it only compounds? Builds?

You have another child and all of the possible terrors multiply.

And then. Yes. It gets worse.

Because THEN your friends have babies, too. And this love that you've become incapable of controlling suddenly expands. Takes these babies in, too.

Isn't that impossible? Right?

Except.

Yes, except.

I am a firm believer in balance. Ying/yang, goddess/god, the whole thing. And here it is, in full utter glorious example.

Parenting is soooo good!

I am the first mama in this entire damn world to mark these milestones. Mine, mine, mine. My every amazing beings.

Ferocious devoted love! Glorious depths, physical joy!

The way these babies smell, the way you breathe in the scent of their hair, their skin. And oh, that skin! Soft, gentle, unfettered skin! Delicate brushes of lips against it, to preserve it as you simultaneously consume it!

Every bit of these children has never been explored before. It's cliche, like possibly and likely all of this, but nonetheless the absolute truth.

Yup. You have fallen in love. Love beyond explanation, because it is this love that leaves you utterly vulnerable. Remember?

With reward. The reward of words. The reward of milestones. The reward of devoted, passionate love.

Passionate love for your child. Your creation.

Yes, babies, this is my love for you.

And I am at once terrified and grateful.